
But I only count 7, what is this madness?!
On January 8th I posted something on Facebook. “the internet says I should have been watching Doctor Who for the past 45 years, who am I to argue? I guess i’ll give it a shot.” The feedback mostly said that as long as I just watched the show from where it picked up in 2005 I should be ok.
Fuck feedback.
I set about finding every piece of Doctor Who footage I could. No easy task by the way, apparently the BBC decided to destroy a good chunk of the first seven seasons of the show. Never the less, in the end I found the remnants of every episode, even 2 versions of Shada, an episode that was never finished. It took 2 months in all to acquire these shows through fair means or foul.
I watched every second of it. This took me four months and three days. I watched an curmudgeonly old man who lived with his granddaughter in a garbage dump turn into a dottering fool who was too clever for his own good. I saw a suave military scientist sacrifice himself for his friends only to wake up as a spastic pile of curls and teeth. I saw a happy go lucky gentleman wind up as a manic depressive jack ass who would just as soon spit on you as shake your hand in friendship, and finally a man who hid behind his smile subtle motives shot down by street violence only to wake up half human with an actual desire to kiss a woman.
EVERY BLOODY SECOND OF IT!
Now you might be saying to yourself “Oh boy, now he’s gonna blog about all this stuff… great! I could read about this anywhere!” So no, I’m not going to blog about that. I’m gonna blog about the show that started in 2005!

Sorry Matt, not you... yet.
Like I said. It took me until today to get through it all. However, I also re-watched the first episode of the current series, the first to feature the 9th Doctor, as well as the character the episode is named for… Rose…

Careful, don't look directly into her eyes or she'll suck out your soul.
Yeah, this is Rose. I swear the internet has such a fucking hard-on for this one. I don’t get it.
Now let me clarify right here that I had watched the new series before I went into the old stuff, and when the current season started I was watching the old right along side the new, but Jesus, this woman, I’d forgotten why I hated her right off the bat.
Here’s the situation folk.
Your job is invaded by walking, killing, store mannequins. While trying to get out, some guy with big ears who kind of resembles Batboy from the Weekly World News shows up and saves you while berating you and your entire society. Then he tells you to scram because he’s got to blow up the building. You’ve just met the ninth doctor.

Also in this issue, Big Foot marries Hitler!
You get away, but have no job now. Oh and you’re dumb ass decided to take one of the arms from the killer mannequins home.
So now this guy follows winds up on your doorstep saves you again from your stupid, and again said “screw off kid, you’re dumb and so is everything you hold dear.” So of course you Google him.
Long story short, while talking to a guy who is obsessed with the Doctor your boyfriend gets kidnapped by a garbage can and replaced with a giant GI Joe figure. Being the loving woman you are you don’t notice he’s now made of plastic until he attacks you. The Doctor saves you again from your stupid.
So you follow him like a lost dog as he goes to shut off all the killer plastic (WHAT THE FUCK??!) because blowing up your livelihood didn’t do the trick. Finally he tracks it to the source… with some help from you, good job on not being a twit for a second… and Yay! your boyfriend whom you’re supposed to care for is there. You kill the plastic by accident, and the day is saved.
Here it comes… The Doctor who has spent most of the time talking about how much you suck offers you a choice, stay with your boyfriend who has just been through a horrific trauma, or go off and meander about the universe with him leaving everyone you know and love behind… what a douche, I mean seriously, you’re sitting there cradling the man you claim to love. You say no, because really, what kind of jerk does that, and he leaves. Then he immediately comes back saying he can travel through time and you’re all “Hey boyfriend who’s in shock, Thanks for nothing!”
WHAT THE FUCK?
Well I guess it could be worse, at least he didn’t traumatize anyone into needing years of therapy after he met them and just left.

Yeah I'm talking about you now.
~NLTAG